And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize