just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
