The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
