sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
