theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
