somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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