Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
