You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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