i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
