Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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