the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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