Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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