Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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