This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize