I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
