The best revenge is premature balding
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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