I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
