There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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