I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
