did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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