U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
