I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
