She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
