If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
