So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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