I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
