She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
only if we run a train.
done.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
