we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
