So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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