im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They took my balls.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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