im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
