Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
