so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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