Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
