Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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