She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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