I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
