I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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