I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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