Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He felt like a one man threesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
