The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
PANTIES FOUND
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