A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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