I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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