OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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