I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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