omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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