I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize