you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
