he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
