I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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