Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
