Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
