I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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