Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
