hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
