I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sarcasm needs its own font
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
