I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
