you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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