I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
