I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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