I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
