no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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