lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
