Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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