he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
