Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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