cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
