Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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