I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My penis needs a shock collar
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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