she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
