But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
