I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
