This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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