C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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