Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
