I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
