I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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