Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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