wanna go halves on a baby?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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