I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
