i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize