There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
