My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
