a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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